Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
