maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
