she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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