I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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