I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am naked and annoyed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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