Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
