My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
