If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
