Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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