you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
