I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
