i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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