why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
