how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Operation Purity has been aborted
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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