i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
