So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
