i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just high enough for therapy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
