Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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