All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
