Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
