whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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