So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
