I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
