I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
