her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
