he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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