i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
