Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
