I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
