You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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