Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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