worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
