If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
