So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
