We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
