the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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