Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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