I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
