Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
