Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
