A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
