don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
