Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
