She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
