As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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