you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
