It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
