are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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