they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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