walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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