I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
