just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
